I feel so alone…no one understands.
Honor your struggles. Celebrate your courage!

This is a story about a special family with very special needs.

"The tears roll off my face as I stand over my 4 year old as she sleeps. She's adorable. She is patient and accepting of what she does not get from me. She knows that her brother needs me so much more.
   The tears are for both of my children; my guilt is for this sweet child whose time with me is always determined by the needs of her brother.
   My son's disability is complicated. Everything with him takes double the time and my patience seems to be tested every hour. He's ten and he can't tie his shoes, but he can run the dvd player just fine. He never listens but he seems to hear the ice cream truck before it even gets to our neighborhood.
   The special education meetings are endless. I always feel intimidated; five to eight professionals surround me at a conference room table. I am so overwhelmed I question my own thoughts and instincts.
   I am exhausted and feel so alone. No one understands what goes on in my house"

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I understand!
I often say raising a child with special needs is like raising 3 children and sometimes more like raising 10 children.

I have helped parents navigate through the medical and special education maze. I have helped to find resources for the day-to-day struggles. I have helped deal with the emotions of grief, anger, sadness, fear and guilt. And, together we find the joy in the world of raising a special needs child, where you will give more and work harder than you ever thought was possible. And, together we make it right for the siblings.

I know this because I have helped countless parents of special needs kids. And I know because I have also lived this life and cried the same tears.

I am doing everything I said I would never do.

"What lingers from the parent's individual past, unresolved or incomplete, often becomes part of her or his irrational parenting."
- Virginia Satir, Family therapist and author

As you reflect on your past you will notice that you are indeed a loving parent!

This is a story about a mother who wants to be a better parent than her mother was.

"Now as a parent I find myself doing some of the same things that my mother did to me…the put-downs fly out of my mouth before I can catch them. I threaten. I punish way too much. I get so angry, my body shakes. I just wish I could stop! I get up in the morning telling myself, this day will be better, but most of the time the flood gates open and the venom spills over.
   I remember what it felt like when I was a kid. If I didn't hang up my jacket my mother would have a fit, "can't you do anything right? What's wrong with you?" My mind would drift away but I got the message. I was the bad kid always letting people down. After many groundings and hours in my room, I figured out that I couldn't do anything right; I deserved to be punished. I wasn't supposed to be good at stuff.
   I just wish I could stop. My husband leaves everything up to me. We have to be better parents."

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I can help!
As parents we tend to parent somewhat the way our parents raised us, perhaps being too rigid or sometimes too permissive. It is often difficult to know what's right…when to set limits, or be firm, or ignore or set a consequence.

Understanding how your own experiences as a child have affected you will help you understand better why you parent as you do now. In healing the wounds from your childhood you will find that your parenting will change:

• You will become more patient, you will listen to your child more, and as a result you will problem-solve better.
• Your self esteem improves as you feel more competent. As a result, your child will become more self assured and confident.

This is the process that we will use to help you become the parent you want to be.

We’re his parents! We should know what to do.
Celebrate your child's uniqueness through the difficulties.

This is a story that I have heard countless times. It is about the chaos and tension that ADD/ADHD can bring to a family.

"I know he can do the work but he can't find anything. His book bag is a mess. His teachers tell me he is missing assignments on a regular basis. He tells me that he's done the work and I believe he probably has…but where is it? He is such a good kid…just yesterday he built this elaborate race track with his little sister. But, this morning he missed the school bus, for the second time this week and its only Wednesday…we couldn't find his second sneaker…his book bag was under the sofa. I saw that sullen look on his face as he sat looking out the window. I know he feels defeated even though I tell him how wonderful he is.
   How can he not stay in his seat through one meal and not be able to remember three things I tell him to do when I see him glued to his play station always getting to new levels?
   It seems that he can pay attention for the things he likes.
   We don't understand any of this, yet we are his parents and we should know what to do."

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According to the surgeon general's report, ADHD is the most commonly diagnosed behavioral disorder of childhood. Also reported is the importance of support and education for families.

I will support and guide you!
I believe that the entire family is often affected by the inherent disorganization that unfolds daily. Therefore the work begins by helping the family. Together, we develop strategies that will help everyone in the family join with each other to work through the difficulties and ultimately celebrate the uniqueness and creativity of this very special child.

Do you know that many famous writers, artists and inventors have ADD?

Connie Bessette, M.S.W. ~ 603-883-9333
SettingParentsFree.com